I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
