How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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