he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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