the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
