Heybabeimwearingurpanties
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
