i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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