he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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