He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
