dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dicks are not precious.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
