So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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