I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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