I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
