I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
