you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
