PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
