from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
