Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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