brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
