I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
