I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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