Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
