the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This house was built for laser tag.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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