I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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