there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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