If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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