she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
