Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
