I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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