so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
