Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
