Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
