Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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