We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Found the puke drawer
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
