party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
