Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
