I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
