Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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