Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
