we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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