my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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