bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
