I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
