i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
