This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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