I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
