Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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