Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
