I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
