i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
