Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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