Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
