So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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