please come you make the beer taste better
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
