that's an acceptable place to lick
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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